


it could be nice

by spocklee



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6312913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spocklee/pseuds/spocklee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes you just have to talk about things, dude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND HEATHER, who brainstormed this with me and started shipping it with me at like 1 am

The dream is a very typical dream. Cisco is on a beach that's entirely inside a concrete warehouse, the sand warm under him, the waves rolling back and forth, the sky blocked out completely and replaced by fluorescent lights. There are people he knows running around, laughing, and despite everything feeling vaguely unhygienic he feels happy. It feels like something that should have happened in high school, if he had been invited to these sorts of things. He's not wearing a bathing suit. None of it really makes sense, like most dreams.

 

Barry sits down next to him; not the real Barry, obviously, but dream Barry. Barry is smiling, the way he does when he's really happy, which is less and less often. Without thinking about it, almost as if it's natural, they both lean forward and kiss. It's surprisingly vivid, and even when Cisco woke up he could remember the little warm light it seemed to turn on inside him when it had happened. Despite not being real, despite not really making sense.

 

-

 

He didn't intend on telling anyone about the dream, because it was weird, and he usually confided in Barry and Caitlin. Barry obviously didn't need to know about it, or the way remembering it had made Cisco smile automatically for two whole days. Caitlin shouldn't know, because they both worked with Barry, who had suddenly become the source of everything complicated. He ended up telling Caitlin.

 

" _I_ think it makes sense," Caitlin said, pulling the toothpick end of a little paper umbrella out of her mouth. She had two empty martini glasses guarding either side of her elbow, where it was perched on the counter of the bar. Cisco was nursing something fruity that she had ordered for him and that he'd already forgotten the name of.

 

"In what way does it make sense?"

 

She closed her eyes shut, pursed her lips, and shrugged. Tipsy Caitlin was less interested in logic and reasoning than Sober Caitlin.

 

"You two just seem to get along well together. Barry's cute and you both like things. So you dreamed about kissing him a little."

 

Cisco nodded, the way people nod when they don't agree with you at all, "So, you get along with him. You both like... things. You dream about kissing Barry, Caitlin?"

 

She groaned, "Oh my God, yes, like, ONCE. It was a weird time in my life."

 

"Yeah, and it's not like you and Barry got married the next day. So it's not a big deal that I had a dream about kissing him."

 

"Nobody is saying it's a big deal. I'm just saying that it _does_ make sense."

 

"Maybe, but... it's not like it means anything has to change."

 

"Nobody's saying anything has to change! Look, you're the one who told me."

 

"And?"

 

Something that sounded suspiciously like The Cranberries started playing louder than the techno that had droned on forever for the past hour, and Caitlin bopped her head to it despite looking more serious, "And what I'm saying, Cisco, is you wouldn't have needed to tell me about this dream like it was a big secret in the first place unless it had some effect on you."

 

That was a good point. He rolled the half-empty glass of artificially flavored slush between his hands. The condensation was pleasant and cold on his palms.

 

"I guess- It was a nice kiss. Whatever. And I kind of keep thinking about it."

 

Caitlin smiled deviously into one of her empty glasses, which she had picked up without noticing it was still empty, "Thinking about kissing him more?"

 

"Maybe this is something I should continue talking to Sober Caitlin with."

 

She sniffed and turned away, "Your loss."

 

-

 

He didn't talk to Sober Caitlin about it. They went into the lab the next day, and he ignored her firm knowing glances. If Cisco wouldn't bring it up, neither would she. She would just continue glaring at him whenever Barry was in the room. Which was now.

 

"Hey, Cisco, I was going to get some coffee. You want anything?"

 

"Hm?" Cisco looked up from the computer screen he had been pretending was important, "Oh, no. I'm fine."

 

"Are you sure? It's on me."

 

Cisco ignored Caitlin's eyes on the back of his neck and the way Barry unconsciously tilted his head forward whenever he was concerned, "I'm sure. Go ahead."

 

A split second of Barry's uncertain frown, and then he was gone.

 

-

 

"I wasn't going to bring it up-"

 

"Caitlin."

 

"I just really think-"

 

"Caitlin."

 

She threw her hands up, "I just! I know where this is going! You're going to avoid Barry to try and not make things awkward, and it's going to make everything awkward, Cisco! I've seen sitcoms, I know how this works."

 

"Don't worry. I'm not Zooey Deschanel. I know what I'm doing."

 

"So you're going to consider your feelings about that dream and work through them in a healthy, honest way that won't ruin your relationship with our mutual friend who we work with?"

 

"I mean, uh," Cisco cleared his throat and ran a hand along the metal doorframe, "No."

 

-

 

He didn't have time to think about dreams, or 'feelings', or 'crushes', 'or 'the way Barry's hair looks when he takes off his hood-cowl-thing and he's breathing a little heavily from running but he's looking at Cisco and he's grinning' because he's busy building. Something. He's busy thinking of something to build.

 

He was so busy thinking about things to build that he didn't ask Barry to come over and watch a movie over the weekend, or go to the new pizza place for lunch, or the things he usually asked. He didn't respond with more than two-word answers to Barry's attempts at banter, or his questions about what he was working on. The lab was quieter. Barry would turn to look at Caitlin for help and she would smile tightly and shrug. Harry would not say anything or acknowledge any of it, which Cisco would have found suspicious in itself if he had been willing to acknowledge any of it himself.

 

A week went by. Plans to build Something were still in the delicate making. Barry stopped talking to him except when necessary, except for one instance where he showed up at the door to Cisco's lab, tall body leaning shyly into view.

 

"Hey, uh, Cisco?"

 

Cisco nodded and did not move his eyes from the piece of notebook paper in front of him that had 'motorcycle?' written and crossed out five times on it. Barry's shoulders hunched around his neck.

 

"Is it... Can I come in?"

 

"Hm? Yeah."

 

Barry kept his hands in his pockets and wandered into the room, mouth pursed as if he was in a museum and ordered to observe but not touch anything. Cisco refused to take the bait. Barry finally sighed.

 

"Um, I wanted to talk to you. Have you been feeling okay?"

 

Cisco looked up from the paper, and flipped it over casually in case Barry got any closer and saw what was written on it, "What do you mean?"

 

Barry's eyes searched the floor, head bent, "I guess things just seem... off. And I," at this his head flew back up, the better to search Cisco's face as his voice sped up, "I'm worried I did something? Wrong? And if you're uncomfortable around me, I want to fix it because you're stuck here working with me, um, unless you want to quit which I won't stop you-"

 

"It's not you."

 

Cisco didn't say it so much as it fell out of his mouth in a desperate attempt to get Barry to stop talking. Barry still looked worried.

 

"Is it something else? Are you okay?"

 

Cisco swallowed, and closed his eyes and shook his head, "I've just been feeling a little sick. It's not a big deal."

 

Barry's eyebrows creased, and suddenly there was a gentle hand pressed up against Cisco's forehead. Barry's face was close enough, eyes still big with concern, that Cisco could lean in and kiss him again, except that hadn't been Barry, it had been the product of a very honest and unreasonable subconscious.

 

Cisco pushed his chair back so hard that is smacked into the desk and inconspicuously rattled every piece of glass and metal arranged on top of it. Barry's hand was frozen over the space where his head had just been, and he looked very surprised. Cisco coughed.

 

"I already talked to Caitlin about it, it's fine. Just really contagious. But only by touch, I can still come to work! Obviously. But it's just- it's nothing big. Don't worry about it."

 

Barry slowly retracted his hand, but nodded and left with a few backwards glances at what Cisco hoped was a very reassuring smile.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to think that caitlin and cisco have spent too many hours of their lives discussing the romance arcs on 'new girl' and they hate it


	2. Chapter 2

Cisco had to rethink his approach. Rather than acting incredibly suspicious, he would just act like nothing had changed at all. Because apart from a dream about an indoor beach and an increased and half-giddy awareness of when Barry was in the room, nothing had changed. He would go back to being Barry's friend and just never tell anybody, anything, ever again.

 

This worked for another week; Cisco showed Barry new gadgets he was working on, they high-fived, they went to coffee, he joked about how Jitters only hired cute baristas and Barry nudged him in the shoulder and dared him to ask her out so they could find another reincarnated superhero. Hahaha. So funny, Barry. Cisco was so good at laughing, and pretending everything was normal.

 

Caitlin pulled him aside on Friday, a big sisterly smile on her face as she asked him for help with a machine in the medical room. She shut the glass door. She now looked very disappointed, though still sisterly.

 

"What's going on."

 

"Uh, according to you, a broken respirator-"

 

"Cisco."

 

"Nothing! I figured out the dream didn't mean anything, and now everything's back to normal."

 

Caitlin frowned, "And that's... what you want?"

 

"Yeah."

 

She didn't believe him, that much was obvious, but she only said, "Okay."

 

"Wait, really?"

 

"Yeah. If that's what you want, than I can't get involved. I just want you to be happy, okay?"

 

"Caitlin..."

 

"Now, come over near this heart rate monitor and pretend to fix something. I hate having glass walls sometimes."

 

-

 

Barry appeared at the door to Cisco's lab. Tall body leaning shyly into view.

 

"Cisco?"

 

He looked up from a rough sketch of a small engine that could possibly break the sound barrier, if he could get his hands on a weekly supply of jet fuel, "Hey, what's up?"

 

"Can we talk?"

 

"Uh, sure. I mean we talk all the time, but okay."

 

Barry's eyes shifted to the side, bringing Cisco's attention to the fact that Harry was still in his corner of the lab, writing and erasing and writing some godless physics equation on the board, "Alone?"

 

Before Cisco could say anything, Harry had thrown his marker over his shoulder and in the direction of the table and was already out the door with a very loud under-the-breath, "Finally."

 

Harry closed the door behind him. Cisco realized that he had not actually been alone in a room with Barry the past week. He watched him sit down in the little plastic lab chair next to Cisco's. He watched Barry fold his hands into his lap, and for a moment they both just stared at his hands as if that was what they needed to talk about.

 

"So... what's up?"

 

Barry winced, "Are you okay?"

 

All of Cisco's hard work the past week was thrown back in his face, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

 

Barry rolled the chair closer to him, hand reaching out but not quite touching Cisco's knee, "Listen, if you're in danger- if someone's threatening you, or your family again- we can find a way to help you, you don't have to take it on yourself like you did with Wells- and if you can't tell us what's happening it's fine, but I just need you to know that I'm here-"

 

"Barry."

 

Barry's hand was still hovering over his knee, shaking, "Yeah?"

 

"I'm not in danger. Nobody I care about is currently in danger."

 

Barry stood up so fast that his chair spun, and Cisco watched him pace back and forth.

 

"Then why- You've been acting so weird, I just figured that something was wrong-"

 

Cisco sighed and stood up, "It's really nothing."

 

"Then what's been going on? Last week you were super quiet, and then this week everything felt so... forced _."_

"It's nothing, I just... I just had a dream about kissing you. You know, like, whatever. Dreams." There. That was actually pretty easy to say out loud. Saying anything after it might be harder.

 

"Oh."

 

"Yeah."

 

Barry had thankfully stopped pacing, "Oh."

 

"...Yeah."

 

Barry thankfully stopped saying 'oh', "That makes more sense."

 

"You're not going to ask me why I didn't just tell you?"

 

"I think that would be kind of unfair considering I waited more than a decade to tell someone I loved them."

 

Cisco laughed, "At least I didn't do it on Christmas, right?"

 

Barry was staring at a wall, and did not laugh. Cisco ignored the catch in his throat, and his voice didn't even crack when he talked. He tried to sound light-hearted and amused. He sounded very quiet.

 

"But it's not like you've ever thought about me like that, have you."

 

Barry shook his head, "No- I mean, I don't know. I was so used to just thinking about Iris, and then she and Linda got together and I was so... happy? To _not_ be thinking about Iris like that for the first time... and I mean Linda and Patty had to practically hit me over the head before I even knew they were flirting with me. And I just-", he looked at Cisco, "We're friends. That's what I thought."

 

"We can still be friends. It's not important, I don't even care now that I've told you, it's whatever-"

 

"Cisco, hold on."

 

Cisco didn't want to hold on, or stay in the room, or talk about this anymore. He couldn't find a way to say this because something seemed to be blocking his throat, and instead he just gestured at the lab around them with a huff. Really, he was gesturing at the more metaphysical concept of embarrassment and wanting to be alone so he could breathe shakily in peace, but he got the point across. Still, he didn't walk out. He looked at Barry's shoes because it was easier than looking at Barry. When Barry spoke, Cisco just glanced up towards the space of air next to him.

 

"I have an idea."

 

"About what."

 

"You want to kiss me right?"

 

Cisco bit his lip, feeling calmly annoyed, "Yeah. I guess."

 

"And I think I want to kiss you too."

 

Cisco's eyes narrowed, and he looked up slowly, "You don't have to say that."

 

"I mean it. I mean, I never thought about it till now, and I know it's kind of sudden... but um. Here's my idea. If you hate it, you can just walk out," Barry came a step closer, "We kiss, and we keep our eyes closed. Then we take a step back, and if we liked it, we put our hands out like this," Barry held his hands out, palms up.

 

It was weird, but Cisco's mind had spent the last year processing weird ideas, "So... if we both like it, our hands will touch and we'll know. But if only one of us likes it, the other one will never know because our eyes are closed. It's like Tinder logic."

 

"Yeah. Um, after thirty seconds, we could put our hands down. And if only one of us liked it and put their hands out, the other one will never know and we can just... go back to pretending everything's normal again." He shrugged, one shoulder rising and falling. Cisco took a deep breath.

 

"Okay."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah. It's super weird but... so were the last two weeks. Let's do it."

 

Cisco took a step forward, and Barry matched it, and then they were close enough to lean forward. Cisco leaned an inch, and Barry leaned an inch, repeat, repeat. Cisco watched Barry's eyes close and could feel the last inch disappear between them-

 

And then he started laughing, and had to put a hand on Barry's chest to steady himself as he pulled back.

 

"Cisco. If this whole thing was some prank-"

 

"Oh my God, no, Barry, it's not, I really do want to kiss you and I had a whole cheesy dream about it, it's just-" he looked up at a doubtful face and finally smiled back, "Thank you."

 

"For what?"

 

"For just being cool, man, I don't know. Okay, seriously, I'm ready now, sorry."

 

It didn't take as long for the distance to shorten the second time, and Cisco smirked as Barry's hands settled on his hips. He let his own hands rest on Barry's shoulders. He let him bridge the final gap.

 

Cisco's first thought was that Barry was warm, physically warmer than anyone else he'd ever kissed, and his second thought was 'this is nice', and that lasted for a moment that felt incredibly long until it was over, and then suddenly seemed a little short. Cisco exhaled slightly against Barry's cheek, almost forgetting to keep his eyes closed as he stepped back. He began to ask himself if he had liked it, before realizing he had already put his hands out in front of him.

 

He started counting to thirty, and in between each number a thought: 'I liked it' _five_ 'I liked that' _six_ 'I really liked that' _seven_ 'oh no' _eight_ 'he didn't' _nine_ 'I don't think I can pretend-' _ten_ '-that this never happened' _eleven_ 'he didn't like it' _twelve_ 'this sucks' _thirteen_ 'this is way worse than before' _fourteen_ 'my hands are shaking' _fifteen '_ why did I think-' _sixteen-_

Something touched the tip of his right index finger, and then his left middle finger, and then he felt fingernails laid against his palm, then nothing as Barry flipped his hands over. And then he felt his hands resting over his own, palm to palm. A thumb brushed over his wrist. His fingertips light against the band of Barry's watch. He opened his eyes.

 

Barry was blushing, "So. I've thought about it."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I think I really like you."

 

"Huh. Interesting."

 

All the affection, all the foolish little things Cisco had denied bothering with before rose, validated, to his chest. He raised his eyebrows, beaming, honest, expectant, until Barry kissed him again.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have i laughed in a dude's face right before kissing him? yeah. anyways


	3. Chapter 3

 

The first week after kissing Cisco was the same as most weeks, except there were more glances at each other that felt stolen, half-grins and bashfully turning away, and Barry would sometimes just smile without realizing it.

 

"What are you smiling about?" said a very aggressive meta-human who had tried to use magnetic powers to stop an armored vehicle full of cash and to throw a few steel girders at Barry, and who was now tied up with plastic.

 

"I'm uh, seeing someone. Kind of. We're still figuring stuff out. We have a date this week."

 

The meta-human had given him a nod, "Good for you."

 

-

 

On Friday, Caitlin pulled Cisco aside. Déjà vu had become an uncomfortably normal part of his life.

 

"You told him, right?"

 

"He, uh, figured it out."

 

"And? What happened?"

 

Cisco's hand automatically rose to his collar, though there were still no marks to cover, "We, uh, figured it out."

 

Caitlin's nose wrinkled with her smug little grin, and then she smiled a real smile, "I'm happy for you two. Also, I wanted to make sure before I did this," she looked over Cisco's shoulder, "Barry? Can you come over here?"

 

Cisco froze in place, which prevented him from telling Barry to run as fast as possible instead of naively approaching them like some animated deer.

 

"What's up?"

 

"If you and Cisco do anything funny in my lab space, especially on the medical beds, I will know. Even if you lie to me. And you _will_ feel guilty."

 

Barry's voice was hoarse, "Caitlin-"

 

"And I know it's embarrassing, but if there are any issues, I _am_ your doctor and I'd hope you'd put your health above any shyness you have about asking me for help if something goes wrong."

 

Cisco's eyes closed so slowly. He had no intention of corrupting Barry any time soon, or in their workplace. He had already convinced himself that Barry was probably old-fashioned, going by his endearingly gawky demeanor and Disney-sized eyes. He didn't mind waiting, or if it never happened. He did mind being told by his best friend that if he and his other best friend did it, they should be cautious since they were both metahumans, and something catastrophic like another black hole might happen for all they knew. Somehow. Life had become weird that way.

 

Barry took a very deep breath instead of saying anything. Caitlin's serious face was replaced by another cheerful smile, and she hugged them both.

 

-

 

They went to a karaoke bar, because both of them were guilty of making bad decisions throughout their lives and neither planned on stopping now.

 

"It's not like I'm gonna sing anything, I just like this place because it's not too crowded," Cisco had said after one drink.

 

Barry smiled at him over his glass of water, "Okay."

 

"I'm gonna sing something," Cisco had said after three drinks.

 

Barry's eyebrows shot up, "Uh, okay."

 

Cisco went on stage. He pointed at Barry. Karaoke happened. He left the stage and sat back down calmly on his stool. He shrugged and looked at the shelves of liquor behind the bar.

 

"That was bad," he turned to look at Barry, "That was bad right?"

 

"It was sweet," Barry was looking at him like he truly believed it, with warm eyes that crinkled at the corners and a tilt to his mouth that was full of kind adoration, "but yes. It was bad."

 

Cisco nodded back at the shelves of liquor, "And maybe we should have done something other than a bar. Since you don't drink."

 

Barry looked to the side, innocent, "Well, Caitlin actually gave me a few of these," he pulled a vial out of his pocket, "to make up for the safe-sex talk. But uh, I figured we could just go back to Joe's and drink while watching a movie or something. He's on night shift right now, so he's alright with it. Unless you want to stay-"

 

Cisco was already standing up, "No. No, I'd very much like to leave."

 

They fell asleep on the couch an hour into _Grease_.

 

-

 

The next week they did not go to a bar or scenic Barry's father's couch. They saw a movie. Barry stretched his arm out behind Cisco's head, and Cisco spent an hour internally despising the immovable armrest between them that prevented getting closer. At one point Barry laughed a dweeby, snorting laugh at something onscreen, and Cisco was filled with both a desire to look at him unbelievably from the corner of his narrowed eyes, as well as a radiant joy. Barry did not notice this complicated dual emotion, and just ate another handful of popcorn.

 

They left. They kissed in front of Cisco's door, at first very chaste. And then Barry had murmured his name against his mouth, breathless the way he did after running hundreds of miles, and Cisco was suddenly opening his front door without looking, and was then on the other side of it, and then pushed up against it.

 

Barry's eyes stopped looking hooded and unfocused for a second, and he pulled back, his face barely lit by ambient city light from the window at the far end of the dark room, "Is this too fast? I don't want to pressure you."

 

Cisco processed the question as if it was something he had been asked years ago, and had already answered years ago. He took Barry firmly by the arms, and moved him towards the wall. He pressed his own back up against the wall, and said in a very simple voice of explanation;

 

"I'm worried the door might break."

 

As if this made perfect sense. He kissed Barry again to drive the point home, which was that the wall was less likely to break than the door if he was driven into it. That felt like a crass thing to think, he thought, as he wrapped his legs around Barry's waist and felt his hands hold up his thighs.

 

They pulled back. They both took a deep breath. They both had the same cooling thought.

 

"Cisco, have you... have you actually done this before?"

 

"I mean, there were some guys in college."

 

"Same. I mean, yeah. "

 

"But we only made out."

 

"Me too. I mean, yeah."

 

"But we never, uh."

 

"Fucked."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Against a wall."

 

"Yeah. Have I ever heard you say 'fuck' before? That feels really new."

 

Their faces heated in the dark, in a different way than they had already been heated. They laughed. Cisco's legs loosened and Barry's hands gently let go. Cisco's feet hit the floor.

 

"You want to just slow down a little and make out on my bed, and maybe take off some clothes? And just go from there?"

 

Barry smiled, and reached for Cisco's hand to be led into his bedroom, "Yeah."

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i manage to fake anyone out? c'mon as if either of them know what they're doing


	4. Chapter 4

The first time Barry showed up at the lab wearing one of Cisco's t-shirts (the one with blueprints of the SS Enterprise and Millenium Falcon side by side with tiny facts listed about each underneath), Harry did a double take. He then blinked very slowly while making very grim eye contact, to say 'I know. I'm not going to acknowledge it, because I don't care, but now you know I know.'

 

Then Cisco walked in with a marked neck and a huge grin and Harry had left for the day.

 

-

 

Cisco leaned into the comm, looking at the readouts of Barry's speed according to the monitor in his suit, "Barry, you need to build up momentum. You're going to need to keep it up for a few minutes. Go faster."

 

"For you? No problem."

 

Caitlin groaned and Harry said, "You know you're on speaker right?"

 

Cisco ignored them and pretended a terrible buzz in his stomach was not growing. When Barry rushed back, he went straight for Cisco, leaning over the desk to kiss him, still in his suit. Caitlin and Harry groaned louder. Cisco couldn't blame them, but he also couldn't bring himself to care.

  

-

 

Cisco came to own a deep blue Camaro in a way that was very specific to being Cisco Ramon.

 

First, he was Barry Allen's boyfriend. Second, Oliver Queen, a billionaire, had visited. Third, Barry had (with a bashful pride that had made Cisco want to die on the spot out of happiness and also regular embarrassment that his boyfriend was so embarrassing) mentioned something about how they were together now. Fourth, Oliver Queen had said, "You mean the short guy?" which fifth, Barry did not find funny. Like, at all, Oliver. Sixth, despite claims that he was joking and that of course he knew Cisco's name, Oliver could not convince Barry to stop glaring at him.

 

Cisco did not mind Oliver's joke so much, and told him so with a shrug after Oliver apologized to him, but did enjoy the catty warm feeling of seeing Barry roll his eyes at a man who he had once forgiven for literally shooting him in the back.

 

Seventh; Oliver was uncomfortable with emotions. A deep blue Camaro showed up in front of Cisco's apartment building, with a delivery man who had knocked on Cisco's door and handed him keys and a note, that said, "To Cisco: For all your hard work and help. Sorry about the joke. Keep an eye on what's-his-face- he seems to really like you."

 

Cisco shook his head, smiling, and wondered if at any point while talking about cars in front of Oliver at the Arrow headquarters he had mentioned that he didn't actually have a driver's license. He called Barry.

 

"Dude?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"You can drive, right?"

 

"Yeah. Why?"

 

"Come over to my apartment right now."

 

Cisco lowered the phone from his ear, and pressed the 'end phone call' button just as Barry phased through his wall. He looked mildly confused.

 

"What's up?"

 

Cisco tossed the keys at him.

 

"We're going out."

 

-

 

The first time Cisco called Barry 'babe' instead of 'dude-

 

("You almost ready to head home?"

 

"Yeah, I just gotta wait for this file to finish loading. Thanks for waiting, babe.")

 

-Barry had startled, turned into a vibrating blur, and then disappeared and reappeared. Cisco had pushed his chair back from the computer.

 

"Whoa. You okay, Barry?"

 

"Yeah. I just- I ran around the premise a few times."

 

Cisco's eyes roamed up and down, "You like it when I call you 'babe'?"

 

Barry hid his face in his hands, although a laugh made it through, "Uh. You've never called me that before. It was really cute."

 

Cisco glanced at the computer- the file was done. He shut it off. He walked over and pulled Barry's hands off his face and kissed him quickly.

 

"You're really cute."

 

Barry relaxed and looked down at him, fond and guileless. Cisco didn't get it. He was dating a superhero. He was dating a guy with abs he was physically incapable of losing, who could vibrate any part of his body, who had a refractory period that was frankly a little dangerous. He was handsome, and sweet, and sometimes just sped by Cisco's desk to leave a coffee on his desk or kiss his cheek. He liked watching TV with him, even though he didn't understand what was so great about _The X-Files_ , and he liked playing video games with him, even though it was very hard to beat someone with semi-sonic reflexes at _Street Fighter._ They laughed at the same things. Sometimes all Barry had to do was glance at him while Harry was talking, and Cisco would laugh. If he made breakfast in the morning before Barry woke up, he would suddenly feel a head on his shoulder, arms around him, and hands over his stomach as Barry promised to make up for never cooking by cleaning up after. Barry never made him feel like he wasn't enough. Barry would look at him, like right now for example, like he didn't know what he'd done to deserve Cisco.

 

Cisco realized he loved him. He would have said it out loud, but it might break the guy right after his reaction to being called 'babe'. Instead he said:

 

"Take me home."

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine a missing scene where Cisco makes Barry drive the camaro by Dante's house, that I am too lazy to write. Cisco tells Barry to speed up when he's done yelling out the window for Dante to come look at his car but he's like 'I can't, it's a residential street- HI DANTE. UH. I'M BARRY.'


	5. Chapter 5

 

Iris was painting his nails. She had done it when they were kids, and Barry had come to find it calming and pleasant. The first time they had bonded, as two children unsure of each other's feelings, Iris had been painting her nails in her room with door open. Barry had walked by, like some strange sad ghost in her house, and asked her what she was doing. She explained. He said something affirmative. She had paused, and in a clarified moment of understanding asked him if would let her paint his toe nails green. Joe had walked by, and paused in the doorway. They had painted his toes purple.

 

Now they were adults, and lying on her childhood bedroom floor with pillows under their stomachs. She was painting his fingernails red. He was humming along to the Destiny's Child album playing on her laptop. The room was mostly the same except Joe's dumb-bells in the corner. The posters were still on the wall, the little unicorn figurine was still on the dresser.

 

"So. How's Cisco?"

 

Barry flexed his hand, "He's nice. How's Linda?"

 

"She's nice.

 

"How are you?"

 

"I'm good. You?"

 

"I'm fine."

 

Barry watched her start painting his other thumb, "Hey, Iris?"

 

"Yeah, Bar?"

 

"I really missed you."

 

Iris looked up, and looked back down quickly, smiling, "I missed you too." A pleasant silence passed.

 

"Cisco is really handsome."

 

"Oh, is he?"

 

"And he's so easy to talk to. And he lets me eat his food."

 

"Oh my God. Here we go."

 

Barry buried his face in the pillow under him, and a whining sound emerged. Iris capped the bottle.

 

"Shape up, Allen. It's your turn to work."

 

His hand fumbled for the light blue bottle next to him before he lifted his face, "I like him so much. He's so cute, I can't believe I used to not even be aware of how cute he is, oh my God, he called me babe the other day and I actually had to leave and just run around outside because? I have no idea. But then the next day he called me babe in front of EVERYONE at work and-" he dropped his face back into the pillow, visibly exhaled, and then came back up, "How did you handle feeling this way about Linda?"

 

Iris was fighting an amused smile forming on her face, "First of all, I don't think we have quite the same reactions to things," her voice softened as she watched him brush the paint over her middle nail, "and second... I don't know. I don't think you're supposed to 'handle' it. You're just supposed to enjoy it."

 

"Well, it's exhausting."

 

"Right? The week after me and Linda kissed I kept sighing. Like. The whole damn day."

 

"Yeah! And it's even worse-"

 

"When you work with them! I know! And she could _see me_ sighing at my desk. I like, would go to the bathroom all the time just to daydream in peace."

 

"I would try to sigh really quietly so Cisco wouldn't hear me over the communicator on my suit."

 

"Did it work?"

 

"No!"

 

Iris burst out laughing and the brush slipped against her finger as she pulled her hands back for a second. Barry tried his best to look serious and failed.

 

"It's not funny! Jessie was there and told me she thought we were 'adorable'. We hadn't even told anyone we were together yet."

 

Iris settled her hands back on the carpet, "Okay. If it makes you feel better, there are like ten photos of me and Linda at an office party and I'm looking at her in all of them."

 

"Iris-"

 

"Don't say it."

 

"That's adorable."

 

If Barry had not been focused on keeping the nail polish from spilling on the carpet or ruining his own drying hands, he could have dodged the pillow Iris threw at his face easily. But he was, so he didn't. She laughed.

 

"I have to admit, that was really satisfying, _Flash_."

 

"Please. Please don't ever become a supervillain."

 

Joe walked by the door at that moment, "What was that about supervillains?"

 

Barry and Iris turned to look at each other for a moment before simultaneously turning to Joe and excitedly yelling over each other about how embarrassing the other one was. He raised a hand.

 

"Whoa. Forget I asked. You two painting nails? You haven't done that in years."

 

He let them paint his toes bright yellow.

 

- 

 

"I don't get it. Why did we drive all the way up here when I could have just Flashed us up?"

 

Barry was lying on the hood of Cisco's Camaro, his arms folded under his head, his shirt lifted up slightly and exposing the skin above pants that were slung a little lower than usual. He thought about pulling up his pants or pulling down his shirt, but kind of liked the way Cisco's eyes kept drifting down and settling on that strip of skin. The sun was setting and he felt like he was going to fall asleep right there, lying on that car in a public parking lot on a hill overlooking the city. Cisco, lying next to him, sighed.

 

"Because as cool as it is, we ate a lot at that Korean place. And it's kind of nauseating on a full stomach, babe."

 

Barry closed his eyes and felt whole and heavy. It was really nice to be called 'babe' by someone who liked being around him. Who he didn't have to lie to about secret identities or why sometimes he had to rush off. He didn't feel like second-best, or like there was something in the way. There were no years of anxious pining, no pieces of his life he had to keep hidden. Cisco was so beautiful, he thought while opening his eyes a sliver to sneak a look at him from the side, with his long hair and brown eyes. Cisco was so incredibly smart, and funny, and honest with him. Cisco made him feel normal, and wanted, without denial, without complication. Cisco was currently staring at him, smirking.

 

"I can tell you're checking me out, Barry. What are you thinking about?"

 

Barry blinked, "I love you."

 

"Oh."

 

Barry pulled his hands out from under head and rested them over his chest, "Yeah."

 

Cisco bit his lip. Barry felt so sedated that the worry in his lungs was slow and he could watch Cisco continue not-saying-anything-at-all in relative peace. Cisco covered his face with his arms. He laughed a very short strange laugh. He sat up on the hood, and ran his hands through his hair. He tucked it behind his ears. He bit his lip again. The worry in Barry's lungs was getting bigger. Cisco looked out over the city, drawing his knees up to chest, and then looked toward Barry, did a double-take as if he had forgotten Barry was even there, and then brought a hand to his heart as if the reminder had scared him.

 

"Oh my God, sorry. I love you too. I love you so much, oh my God, man."

 

The worry turned to nervous giddiness, "Really?"

 

"Jesus Christ, yeah, duh. Holy shit."

 

"Wow. God. That's- whoa!" Barry sat up suddenly.

 

"What?"

 

"I was vibrating a little and started phasing through the hood. But uh," he smiled, "You love me."

 

Cisco slipped off the hood and onto the ground, and opened the passenger's door, "I do. Dios ayúdame, I really do. You know what else is nice about having a car?"

 

Barry rolled onto his side to look at him, "What?"

 

"Privacy."

 

Cisco had barely pushed the seat down before Barry was on top of him, laughing and pressing their foreheads together, noses brushing as they found an angle. The car door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in times of trouble i think of genderfluid barry allen and feel peace. i couldn't think of a way to work that into all this though, but i think whatever gender barry is he'd be very chill with feminine-coded things after growing up with iris and probably bonding with her over it. THE DESTINY'S CHILD SONG IS 'BILLS BILLS BILLS'


	6. Chapter 6

"My nose itches."

 

"Allen, I swear to God, don't fucking move."

 

Barry's nose wiggled, and Cisco sighed, and scratched it. Then he went back to building a pillow fort around the superhero lying on the floor.

 

"Cisco. I promise-"

 

"You promise not to super-speed build anything. I know, babe," he stood up and brought over a stool he had been saving for a corner, "but you can't promise not to knock over everything again."

 

"I offered to _fix_ it with super-speed."

 

Cisco leaned down and kissed his forehead, bed sheet in hand, "You just lie there and look pretty. I'm almost done."

 

He pulled the sheet tight over the stool and put a few biology textbooks over it to weight it securely down. Then a corner over the back of the armchair, an edge over the tripod next to the bed, a corner pinned three times to the wall as high as possible, and a corner tucked firmly between some books on the shelf. Barry whistled from the pillow-covered floor as Cisco drew aside the blanket from where it hung from the wall to create an entrance.

 

"Nice. Can I sit up now?"

 

"No, wait-"

 

Cisco let the blanket-door drop and disappeared. The sound of his feet on the hardwood floor, and then the lights turned off. The blanket was swept gently aside again, and Cisco crawled in and turned on the table lamp inside. The fort lit up in the magical, ethereal way that only blanket forts can.

 

"Okay. You can move now."

 

Barry sat up and stretched his back while looking around, "Wow. This is pretty solid."

 

"Major pillow fort mistakes: people don't secure the blanket well enough and the whole thing can slip loose at any moment, usually knocking over a lamp or a lightweight chair in the process. That, and they don't make them high enough."

 

Barry's hand found its way underneath the hem of Cisco's shirt, "Hm. You're really good at building things. It's kind of hot."

 

Cisco laughed but leaned into the touch, "You get turned on by the weirdest shit."

 

Barry stopped, "What? Like what?"

 

"Uh, this, happening right now. But also we've ended up having sex like, every time I 've tried to explain how to do laundry to you."

 

Barry shrugged and started kissing his neck, "You're just, like, one of the smartest people I know, man. It's cute when you explain things."

 

"Barry, most people know that you don't just throw all your dirty laundry into one machine and hit 'colors', even if they don't have a master's degree in engineering."

 

"So... wait, you don't want to make out in this pillow fort?"

 

"Oh, no. I definitely want to do that. But it's not gonna stop me from making fun of you. Nothing is ever going to stop that." Cisco said this while lying back and dragging Barry over him by the strings of his sweatpants. The wandering hand up his shirt wandered higher.

 

"I can accept that."

 

-

 

The day was a very typical day. Cisco and Caitlin were yelling into the speaker while Harry paced behind them thinking hard, all of them thinking of a way to help a friend of theirs in red spandex so far away. Sometimes typical was simply telling Barry where to go, and then hearing him laugh and say, after dodging bullets or running up a burning building, "What next?" Sometimes typical was sitting there and thinking of a desperate plan to save Barry's life.

 

The day was the second kind of typical, but the difference was that in the brief space of panicked and heavy silence after Barry's voice had said, "I need a plan. Fast, guys," Cisco realized what would happen if they couldn't think of anything. They always thought of something. Barry always came back. But-

 

But if Cisco couldn't think of something in time, or he gave Barry advice that might get him killed, if Barry didn't come back-

 

Cisco suddenly could not breathe, which was infuriating because he didn't have time for this right now. He felt Caitlin's hand on his shoulder, and then he was being walked very quickly to the medical room. Barry's voice followed him from the speaker on the desk.

 

"Cisco? Cisco? Are-"

 

Harry had moved up to the speaker and was leaning over it, hands on either side, "Ramon's fine, Dr. Snow's got him. Now focus, I have an idea-"

 

And there had been such a sudden and sharp ache in Cisco's head that he passed out.

 

-

 

He woke up lying on one of the medical beds. The dream already fading from memory had been about waves.

 

He could hear voices talking, and when he turned his head, he could see the backs of Caitlin and Barry- Barry was safe. He heard what they were saying.

 

"But nothing's wrong?"

 

"It doesn't seem so. I think he just panicked, although I'll have to ask him after he wakes up. It could have something to do with his powers."

 

"But- this has never happened before."

 

The back of Caitlin's head moved, her hair shifting with it, "I think... You two have gotten a lot closer. When you let someone in like that, and with our lives... it makes sense that he would have a moment where it would be too much."

 

For a moment, all three people in the room thought the name, "Ronnie."

 

Cisco watched Barry hug Caitlin, watched his hand rub her back and his head nuzzle into her shoulder. He couldn't see it, but he imagined that Caitlin was patting his back, awkward but sincere. Barry Allen was a hugger. It made Cisco smile, watching his two best friends provide this comfort for each other. It calmed something erratic in him. Barry lifted his head and Cisco watched his face turn from gentleness, to surprise, to relief as he realized he was awake.

 

"Cisco?"

 

They pulled apart, and Caitlin smiled, though kept a stern hand on Barry's shoulder while looking at Cisco, "I'm going to have to ask you some questions later before you leave today, to make sure you're alright. You probably are, but just to be sure. I'll be waiting in the lobby. Iris and Linda said they would take me out tonight, so keep it quick." She winked, and let go of Barry's shoulder. She closed the door behind her.

 

Barry was at his side instantaneously. Cisco was already sitting up and getting off the bed.

 

"I'm fine, babe. It's really nothing."

 

Barry's shoulders relaxed, but the breath he exhaled shook his chest a little, "Caitlin told me what happened."

 

"I passed out. It's no big deal. What happened to you?"

 

"Harry basically had me make a human-sized slingshot- look, I don't really care about that, everything's fine. I'm fine. But," he took Cisco's hands, leaning his head when Cisco tried to avoid eye contact, "Look, even if you're okay now, we should talk about what happened."

 

Cisco shook his head, and made a 'it's not important' face.

 

"Cisco."

 

Cisco began to say something, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth. He realized he was crying. He said, "Oh." And then he wrapped his arms around Barry's neck and pushed his face into his shoulder. Barry's arms folded around him, and there was a kiss on his temple. Barry Allen was a hugger.

 

"I can't promise I'm not gonna get hurt sometimes, Cisco," he tensed in his arms, "but I promise that no matter what, having you there, having everyone there with me and talking to me even if we don't know what to do- it makes everything better. You could never hurt me, okay?"

 

Cisco moved back and with his hands on either side of Barry's face, pulled him into a kiss. His eyes squeezed shut. It was easier than talking. If he could do it just right, it would say whatever he needed to but couldn't.

 

When he separated, out of breath, Barry just smiled down at him. He looked like a statue of a Catholic saint that Cisco had seen once; his face was unbearably gentle, at ease as his bright eyes looked over Cisco's blustery, teary face. The statue had been a recreation of a saint seeing an angel. Of Adoration, with a capital A.

 

"I love you, Barry."

 

"I know."

 

They laughed, shaky and sad but genuine. They both knew the reference.

 

-

 

Barry's head shifted against his chest, bunching up the fabric of his shirt as his hair brushed against Cisco's chin. They had gone to his apartment. They had crawled into bed early.

 

"Everything slows down when I'm with you."

 

"Funny."

"No, I'm serious. I'm really grateful that I have powers and everything, and it's changed my whole life, and it's amazing but... Sometimes everything goes too fast, you know? Like I don't know if it's worth sitting around and reading a book for hours or just walking somewhere like a normal person anymore, when I can just do everything in seconds. And then I'm with you, and I don't want to rush through any of it. Everything is at exactly the right speed."

 

They were both watching the shape of Barry's hand move down Cisco's outstretched arm, until it came to his hand. Their fingers interlocked loosely as Barry laughed quietly against him, "That probably doesn't make sense."

 

"No. I get it." Cisco's voice was very small in the dark. Barry's head was very heavy. Their hands were still moving against each other.

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy god this is long. anyways the important thing is that i really don't think you could build a pillow fort using supe r speed, because the wind you'd create from moving so fast would knock over everything right after you set it up. it's a delicate process. also barry does laundry the way.... that i do laundry......
> 
> also thanks for reading.


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